Austin turns ONE!

The love of our lives...

It is what it is....

So, I've been asked to update my blog. Ugh. I've avoided it the last few months because I've been unable to put into words what's been going on. In short, I lost my job of 16 years that I loved and basically kept us afloat these last few years....and we lost sweet Brandon. He left us on October 5th to go live with his father. The devastation that was left after both situations is unmeasurable. I've never cried so much. I've cried for that sweet baby, I've cried for his biological mom, I've cried for my family...and I've cried for me. That the dream I've had for my family is not coming true. I find myself searching for answers...for reason...for relief. I pray that Brandon will be safe, loved and appreciated. My life is forever changed. I've never loved anything or anybody as much as I loved that sweet blue eyed child. Ahhh...those eyes. Always questioning, always "asking"...longing for somebody to "save" him. I can only hope and pray that when you close your eyes at night that you feel my arms around you and can hear me whispering "the sunshine song" in your ears...as I have every single night for 8 months.

With all of that said...we do have better news. We are going to be able to adopt sweet baby Austin. Thank God things worked out for him and for us. It should be final in December, and until then, we'll be doing what we have to...to prove to the court that we do have a plan for "rebuilding" our life and that we do whatever we have to...to provide the kind of life that child deserves.

I'll post some of my favorite pics of the boys....enjoy.

Tamara